The immense void that Tonio left behind is still an excruciatingly painful reality for his parents on a daily basis.
In her book You are missing from me, Mirjam Rotenstreich analyzes the boundless grief for her deceased son Tonio. Writing and her husband Adri are the driving forces to keep going.
You are missing from me – Tonio’s living
On the cover of You are missing from me – the living of Tonio, the new book by Mirjam Rotenstreich (1959), you look into the eyes of her son Tonio. On the left is his eye as a little boy, on the right is his as a young adult. It is a modest collage, but the sight is still overwhelming. Maybe because you know that there will never be a photo of him later in life, because Tonio van der Heijden died on May 23, 2010, shortly before his 22nd birthday, as a result of an accident. The immense void he left behind is still an excruciatingly painful reality for his parents on a daily basis. His father AFTh van der Heijden (Andri) wrote his famous requiem novel Tonio and has his son ‘return’ in, among others, President Tsar on Obama Beach.
Sadness, Lack and Suffering
In You are missing from me – Tonio’s legacy, his mother Mirjam takes stock of thirteen years of unbearable grief for her son. The content, like the cover, is impressive. Never sentimental, but rather with a detached analysis, she looks at all facets of the VGLT – Grief, Loss and Live for Tonio – which makes it hit home hard. For example, she wonders why there is no word that immediately indicates the status of mother of a deceased child. Whether she can actually still call herself a mother. Whether the loss of a child might be less difficult if there are more children.
And why it is that severe pain strikes at such unexpected moments. She asks questions and draws heartbreaking conclusions. One of them is that the pain for Tonio will only end when she is gone. And that she doesn’t want to die, because Tonio will then also cease to exist. When Elegance speaks to her in her home in Amsterdam South, we talk to a woman who, despite the still great sadness, maintains her decision to continue living. A writer who is happy with the release of her book and looking forward to working on her next one.
You can read the interview with Mirjam Rotenstreich in the new Elegance. Now in store!
Text: Marion Florusse | Portrait: Anne Claire de Breij
