If someone is worried about something, you want to be able to offer them a good listening ear. Being a good listener is important to ensure that the other person really feels heard. But how do you actually ensure that you become a good listener? Well, so.
Ask what the other person needs during the conversation
Before you can really start a conversation, it is good to know from your conversation partner what they would like to get out of this conversation. Do they just want to complain or do they need advice? Knowing this allows you to listen more focused. You can also ask other questions to get yourself ready for the real conversation. For example, do they or do they not want to hear similar experiences that you have had? Is this conversation about feelings, or is it more practical? Give the other person options, this will immediately make them feel more heard.
Mirror your conversation partner
Reflective listening is an important aspect of active listening. It is good to occasionally repeat things that the other person says during the conversation. This allows you to check in between whether you still understand and follow everything correctly. The result is that you can contribute better to the conversation. You don’t have to turn into a parrot, but start your sentence with, for example, ‘so if I understand you correctly…’
Ask simple, open-ended questions
Sometimes it can feel like you have to ask really deep questions to sound like you’re really listening. But it is actually much more important to show genuine curiosity. If a question comes to mind, just ask it. This doesn’t have to be very in depth. Asking questions ensures that your conversation partner feels heard and that you can understand the story better.
Avoid practicing your response while listening
When someone tells you something, you can often start thinking about your response while they are still talking. Your goal has come across as if you are a really good listener, but you are actually not really listening. Your mind is busier about what you are going to say than what they are saying to you now. Save planning your response for when they’re done talking. It’s okay if you don’t have your response ready right away. The other person will notice if you don’t listen and that is much more rude than not being able to respond immediately.
Pay attention to your body language and eye contact
You listen with your ears, but also with your body. Much of our communication is non-verbal. Make sure you keep an open posture and make regular eye contact to show your conversation partner that you are interested. Of course, you don’t have to pay too much attention to this, but it is nice if you don’t close yourself off.
Avoid distractions
Finally, avoiding distractions is of course important. Put your phone away, on silent mode. Sit in a quiet place so you are not distracted. Focusing your eyes elsewhere is not really something a good listener does.
