‘I feel like things could go wrong again at any moment.’
A few years ago, documentary maker Linda Hakeboom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has now written a book about the intense period that followed the news, titled Only Today. In conversation with Grazia, she talks candidly about her experiences, the book, and staying positive.
Write a book
Why did Linda want to write this book so badly? “I have always found a book something magical, something that I wanted to write someday. It is timeless and everyone can create their own images. But it never happened,” she explains. “After I got the call from my doctor saying ‘You have cancer’, I completely changed and became open.
I was done keeping my feelings close to me. So I made for LINDA. the video series Linda’s Cancer Story. Because a lot happened visually during that treatment, it felt good to turn it into a video series. During that process I noticed that I wanted to tell more and go into everything in more depth, so writing seemed more logical,” says Linda.
Process continues
Although fortunately she has now been declared cancer-free, Linda does not see this book as the end of a difficult period. “No not at all. The process continues and that is quite tough. I have not recovered from all the treatments and I still have to get used to the fact that I am no longer the same person as before,” she shares. “My body has a harder time recovering than before, and I still feel that consequence every day. I still have a sore shoulder from the radiation, which makes it difficult for me to exercise. It is difficult to build up fitness again,” she explains. “My concentration is no longer what it was and after a busy day I get tired more quickly.”
Linda therefore chooses more consciously where she invests energy. “I say no to social activities much more often, put my phone away more quickly and often sit on the couch. It’s a shame that my energy is no longer endless but I accept it. When I’m tired, I rest, there’s no discussion about that. I listen to my body much better.”
Live in the moment
Does she still dare to look ahead and trust her body? “Not really,” she admits. “Am I now going to think about what I want to do in ten years’ time? While deep down I don’t know if I’ll still be there. No! I dare not believe that the cancer will not come back,” she shares honestly.
“I feel like things could go wrong again at any time. Maybe that feeling will wear off in the coming years…” Nevertheless, Linda has a positive outlook on life. “That’s why I live so much in the moment. I get up every day, do what I want and enjoy it. That feels very nice.”
