Suppose you are with a group of friends and suddenly everyone receives a text message at the same time, except you. Are they in a group text without you? Or your colleagues come to work on Monday with all kinds of stories about a Friday night that you were not invited to. You then feel left out, and that hurts. But why is that actually so?
Being left out is painful
When we are left out, we as humans often realize it very quickly. We sometimes even think it is happening when it is not at all. Humans are very sensitive to situations in which we are ignored or excluded. This sometimes causes us to have an irrational fear of it. You can then tell yourself that it’s okay if not everyone likes you or that other people are probably just busy with themselves. But it still gnaws at you. That makes sense because we humans want to be part of something, of a collective. The fact that it hurts is certainly not something to be ashamed of. Fear of being left out is an instinct we have had for centuries. In the past, if you were excluded from your group, there was a good chance that you would not survive. In addition, being left out also threatens our desire to belong. This can make you less confident and you can lose the feeling that you have control in social situations. This can even make you feel like you are not worth the attention of others, and that is of course not good. All these elements together form the building blocks for a meaningful existence. If these disappear, it is quite painful.
This way you relieve the pain
Are you in a situation where you feel like you are being left out? Then first of all, be kind to yourself. Feel your feelings and acknowledge them. The feeling you have now is completely normal and there is very little you can do about it at the moment. What you can do is calm yourself through breathing exercises or by distracting yourself with a fun activity. If the feeling lingers, it is good to think about it a little longer. Why are you feeling this way now? When you look at the specific feelings you experience and their causes, you can more easily find a solution for your feelings. And if we can give you one more thing: don’t avoid friends who have left you out. This often makes the problem worse. And remember that you are never the only person who feels or has felt this way!
