Fortunately, singer Roxeanne Hazes is doing well these days, but that was not the case for a long time. After the birth of her son Fender, Roxeanne struggled with severe depression for a year and a half. While she appeared cheerful on everyone’s social media, she actually felt very unhappy.
Roxeanne Hazes struggled with postpartum depression
Roxeanne Hazes’ career is currently running smoothly. Not long ago she released her latest album De Tijd Gaat Mooi Dingen Doen, with which she will soon go on a club tour in Haarlem and Utrecht, among others. In the meantime, she is of course also busy with her family, consisting of partner Erik and son Fender. Although she has had to learn a lot about life in recent years, she says in an interview with &C. Roxeanne certainly did not feel well for a long time. For example, after Fender’s birth, she struggled with postpartum depression for a year and a half. “I didn’t dare go outside with Fender, afraid that something would happen,” she says. “I was constantly wondering: is he still breathing? Then it was finally quiet for a moment and I thought: now he is dead.”
Not visible to the outside world
You would think: if a famous person struggles with depression for a year and a half, then as a follower you would notice something, right? Well, in Roxeanne’s case, that’s not possible. She hid her depression well from the outside world. During the depression, the new mother continued to work. She even made an album, which she said was far removed from her. And no one stopped her: “No one dared to say out loud that I was really deeply depressed.” So happy photos of Roxeanne with her newborn child also appeared on Instagram. Although she didn’t feel happy at all in these photos: “I wasn’t happy at all.”
To hide her true feelings, she dove into food. “I ate away my emotions,” she says. As a result, at one point she even weighed 110 kilos. But hardly anyone noticed that the pounds were piling on due to depression. Although she didn’t just feel bad because of the depression. In the meantime, all kinds of things were happening within her family. “I don’t want to elaborate on that, but the fact that I felt bad was not just because of the depression,” says Roxeanne.
Hallucinations
By the way, one person saw that Roxeanne was struggling enormously with her life. That was her partner Erik. “He really saw me at my deepest,” she says. Although he certainly didn’t know right away that it was depression. He did know that something was wrong with Roxeanne. At one point she also gets hallucinations due to exhaustion. During the night she would wake her lover and say that Fender was floating. Um, what? “Then Erik said: ‘You have to go to sleep now,'” says Roxeanne. Aww. Not much later, Erik also hallucinated, probably because he, like Roxeanne, got little sleep. Then she suddenly woke up because he was near her navel with his phone. “I say, ‘Honey, what are you doing?'” she says, after which he explains to her that he wants to charge his phone.
During the corona period, Roxeanne finally managed to create more peace. Then she got out of her depression and went to therapy. Even now she still talks to a therapist every week. She has learned over the years that life is not always ‘wonderful’, but sometimes also terrible. “I can enjoy the beautiful moments more sincerely, so that in the difficult moments I know: it will be beautiful again,” she says. “Or at least normal. A shitty day is not a shitty life.”
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