You probably recognize it: you said or did something that you later regret. You are definitely not the only one, everyone has regrets at some point. Unfortunately, it does bring with it an unpleasant feeling that may last you for quite a while. But luckily there are ways to reduce this! We put them together for you.
Is regret something positive?
It may sound illogical, but regret is actually a positive thing. One of the most important functions of regret is that it makes you realize that you made a mistake. Experiencing regret provides the greatest learning moments. If you have exhibited certain behavior or done something that you regret, you will correct your decisions and learn to do things differently in the future.
In order to learn things, develop yourself and experience fun things, you will have to be prepared to experience regret. Because the famous saying goes: ‘It is better to regret the things you have done than to regret the things you have not done’.
The difference between shame and guilt
There is a clear difference between shame and guilt. Where with shame you regret who you are as a person, with guilt you only regret the action itself. So shame claims that you are stupid, while guilt claims that you did something stupid. Compared to feeling guilty, it is often more difficult to get over the feeling of shame. But why? The action you regret may not suit you as a person at all, so it is often easier to make room for this one-time mistake. If you really regret the person you have been, this feeling often runs deeper, making it more difficult to give a place.
How do you get rid of the bad feeling?
It’s all well and good that it’s good to experience regret, but how do you get rid of that nasty feeling of regret? Regret can have a major negative impact on your body and mind. That is why it is important not to dwell on the feeling of regret for too long. It’s logical that it bothers you for a while, but then try to pick yourself up again and make sure you do it differently next time. The tips below may help you with this.
It is logical that not everything goes the way you want
Life is unpredictable. It is therefore unrealistic to think that everything in life will go as you planned. Therefore, don’t worry too long about making the wrong choice. It is impossible to always make the right choices. If you can’t do anything about it, let it go, accept how things turned out and don’t be too hard on yourself.
Focus on the positive sides
Instead of worrying about everything you’ve done ‘wrong’, it’s smarter to focus on the positives of the situation. For example, consider what you learned from it and which worse situations you avoided.
Acknowledge your regret
Be careful not to push away the feeling of regret. Regret exists and you have to continue to take it seriously. Sometimes regret becomes bigger and bigger, to the point that you start making all kinds of (unrealistic) accusations against yourself. This regret actually needs recognition.
Talk about it with others
Talk about it with people you trust, such as a loved one or a therapist. Not only is this often very relieving, the other person may also come up with insights that you had not yet seen.
Fulfill the unfulfilled desires
Regret is actually an unfulfilled desire. Therefore, ask yourself whether it is possible to still fulfill this desire. Then act on it. Regret saying no to a date? Call that person again. Do you regret not having spoken to your mother in a while? Then ask her to go out for lunch somewhere.
