Suppose you are very good friends with someone, but they always cancel plans. That’s kind of a bummer. It’s a waste of time and can also be quite hurtful. These are the best things to do when your friend always leaves you hanging.
Discuss the problem, but don’t make accusations
When you open a conversation with your friend about what’s bothering you, it’s good to calm yourself down first. This is better for both parties than if you enter the conversation while you are still full of frustration. Then agree to talk to each other in a quiet place. Then ask them why they keep canceling plans. Don’t do this in the form of an accusation, but rather out of curiosity. There are many reasons for canceling plans at the last minute, so there is a good chance that their reason is very understandable. If there is nothing else going on within your friendship, there is a lot of room for empathy here. If you start accusing the other person, your friend may only defend themselves. This makes the conversation a lot less productive.
Encourage your friend to be honest when they don’t have the time or inclination to meet up
Once they have explained what is going on, it is good to tell your side of the story. Why does it hurt you when your friend cancels plans? Focus on sentences that start with ‘I’. Think “I feel disappointed when our plans don’t go through,” rather than “you’re disappointing me.” You can then make agreements about how you want to approach making plans from now on. Ask them how you can ensure that the plans continue from now on. Also, especially encourage them to be honest when they want to cancel. Open communication prevents broken hearts.
Plan around their forgetfulness
Based on this conversation you can determine how you want to handle your friendship from now on. For example, from now on, will you take into account that there is a chance that your friend will cancel? It could also be that this friend just doesn’t like events with a lot of people. Or maybe instead of meeting with them a few weeks in advance, you can only ask them for last minute plans. Remember, you don’t have to bend over backwards to make this friendship work. Set boundaries. A friendship should always be mutual.
